Ah baby girl has finally gotten to the age where with little instruction and intermittent interruptions, she is able to take a bath by herself, get dressed by herself, clean up after herself, feed herself…I mean she’s starting to be a little bit independent so mommy can really take care of stuff without the extra long lists which serve as reminders. I mean I still have the lists but shorter now. So on a cool Monday morning, after a busy birthday celebration weekend with baby girl and her god-sister and friends, all mommy wanted to do was get baby girl and god-daughter ready for the day, then she can sit down and get some office work started. In the midst of the ‘morning chaos’ with two princesses, wiping down bare bottoms and lathering lotion on ashy legs, all this mommy heard was “you have a baby in your tummy”. My eyes got wide, as my whole body quickly shot up from being on my knees overcoming ashy tiny princess legs; I looked at my god-daughter and asked “what did you say?” She being as giggly as any Disney princess would whispered again “you have a baby in your tummy”. This time it sounded real and in in-my-face kinda delivery. I looked to my baby girl and she was just giggling as she began rubbing my stomach. I laughed and shook my head adamantly saying – “no baby in my tummy…my tummy is flat…not yet…no baby” as I quickly got them clothed and headed down for breakfast.
As the morning lingered on, I couldn’t stop thinking about this ‘prophecy’ from my god-daughter so I texted my husband, and dear friend to relay this message and get their thoughts. Husband was obviously excited at the possibility and dear friend was equally excited offering to bring over some pregnancy tests – ha, no please. I went about my day but the ‘baby thought’ took center stage in my mind. So I finally paused work, closed my eyes and took a few minutes to soul search – why the hesitation? Or was it fear? Then I remembered a conversation I’d had with another friend a few days prior about this second baby business and during that conversation I mentioned that I wasn’t fully ready because my emotions weren’t right given my postpartum challenges after my daughter was born. The light bulb came off as I sat in my ‘office space’ eyes still closed – my reaction to the “you have a baby in your tummy” ‘prophecy’ by my god-daughter was that of fear which resulted in hesitation which resulted in adamant behavior – as if I knew God’s plans for our family.
As I write this note, I haven’t taken a pregnancy test yet; and I don’t plan to. At some point, it’ll become evident should the ‘prophecy’ come to pass soon…it sure will be a surprise! However, this is what I’ll share with you if you are caught in a situation where you know there is the possibility for something amazing to happen in your life but because of fear you block that amazing thing from happening or being manifested – stop getting in your own way…spiritually. Five years ago when my baby girl was born, I struggled mentally, emotionally to connect with her; it took spiritual healing first for my mind and body to align to the realization that I was now a mother, and the little baby was mine to love, God gave her to me! In the same way, I now have to heal spiritually by thwarting off the lies of the enemy in the form of fear; and invite the possibility that is ‘mom of two, three..’ into my mindset. See I can be all giddy at the idea and possibility but If I don’t prepare my heart spiritually, if I don’t ask God to deliver His plans His way – not my way, If I don’t ask God to take away my fears – fear of disappointments, fear of health crisis, fear of not getting pregnant as easily as the first, fear of gaining so much weight, fear of having more than one baby (twins…yeah multiples), fear of the return of postpartum depression and the list goes on – if I don’t ask God to take away these fears and prepare me for whatever the next phase of motherhood brings, I know for sure I will find myself lost and broken at the end of that phase…whatever the outcome.
At the close of my work day, I could still hear my god-daughter’s voice saying “you have a baby in your tummy” and to that my response now is “I can do this if I put my mind to it. I can go through it all again if I step out in faith. I can be an excellent mom of more than one baby if I seek God’s help. Whatever the day brings…be it a surprising ‘prophecy’ or a revelation…be it an unexpected encounter or an out-of-this-world task ahead, I will never succumb to fear…neither should you.
So off I go…to explore this next phase…starting with a prayer and a smile.
Be Blessed,
Kate