Breaking the Cycle: How to Overcome Generational Curses in Motherhood and Parenthood
- Chief Joy Activator
- May 11
- 5 min read
She said, "You don't give me enough hugs mommy."
I asked her, "How many hugs do you need in a day?"
She said, "I need ten hugs a day!"
"Ten hugs a day?" I whispered back to her with a perplexed look on my face and a heart that was beating faster than my mouth could murmur any response. "That's a lot of hugs Kennedy... but OK, I will give you ten hugs a day." I was unsure how I was going to do that, as physical touch was never something I grew up enjoying. Every touch I was given by caretakers was negative, often involving physical abuse and sexual assault. They were often combined with heaps of verbal abuses - words that insulted my being, my existence, degraded my identity! There was nothing nurturing nor uplifting and encouraging about the touches and affirmations I was given from my development years all through young adulthood.
So, giving my daughter ten hugs a day was a huge mountain that I didn't know where to start. Despite the racing heart, sweaty brow, perplexed look, and triggered memories, a calm voice within me whispered "you can do it."
I knew that voice. I had become accustomed to that voice. It was the voice of my Wonderful Counselor. I nodded my head in agreement [faith] and gave my daughter the first hug of the day.
Initially, I would anxiously count down each hug eagerly awaiting the tenth one of the day. The first few days were 'hard' but soon her request got easier. All this transpired in 2022 in what I soon realized was God's way of repairing my broken attachment to my mother and my daughter. It was God's way of breaking the cycle of unhealthy love, because love, according to 1 Timothy 1:5, comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith. The love I was giving needed to come from a healed heart. It is obedience to breaking the cycles that have made hugs like the ones received today feel extra special.
On May 4th, 2025, my daughter who had requested ten hugs a day decided to get baptized by her father. Then, on May 10th, 2025, her father and I anointed and blessed her during her Rites of Passage ceremony at church. The most beautiful compliment I have ever received in my life came out of my daughter's mouth when she was sharing with us her life and faith commitments. Kennedy said "I commit to walk with Jesus faithfully. I am serious. I want to be like you, mommy." I thought I misunderstood what she said so I asked her again "what did you say?" She said "I said I want to be like you." Yes, dear friend, you guessed it. I was teary and quite emotional!!!
Quite emotional because I knew in that moment what her life would have been if the work of healing my traumas was not faithfully attended to. I knew in that moment that we would not be sitting in church as a family supporting her decisions to follow Christ and serve Him. I knew in that moment that the work of breaking generational curses - those done against me, those spoken over me - was worth every snotty cry, worth every early morning desperate prayers, worth every early morning bible study... I knew in that moment that my sufferings from childhood through young adulthood were not for nothing. My sufferings were for somethings! This moment! This day! When my daughter who endured the effects of my trauma the first few years of her life was now complimenting me - her mother. The same woman who did not know how to love her when she was born. The same woman who did not want to hold her. The same woman who got triggered at every hug she gave her. The same woman... she has observed this woman go through a heart transformation. She has received the benefits of the transformation and so now, she wants to follow in her footsteps.
The Bible verse that poignantly summarizes my daughter's response to me can be found in Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." I took refuge in the Lord, I sought the Lord, I committed to showing up consistently and He met me and healed my traumas, helped me break those generational curses. I tasted and saw the Lord's goodness. My daughter has tasted and sees the Lord's goodness.
Dear friend, it is not too late! I do not know where you are in you faith journey as you repair attachments and relationships. But, I do know that whatever you need to give ten hugs a day, forgive a family member or friend, love someone who seems to be unlovable... whatever you need to begin or continue a true once in a lifetime healed heart, God can do it. His process is a lifetime guarantee not a temporary guarantee.
Here are some tips how you begin breaking generational curses and repairing attachments in your relationships. These are quick tips, but, if you need the guided support, please reach out to me:
Identify what these curses are.
Write them down and write how they show up in your life.
Reflect on areas of your life where they tend to show up.
Make the decision that you want Jesus to help you break these curses once and for all.
Make the commitment to be consistent in doing the hard work and heart work required.
Make the commitment to prioritize this season of your new journey above anything else.
Make a the commitment to be faithful, persevere and endure any required exercise, activity, or direction that the Holy Spirit prompts you to.
If you cannot do this on your own with the Holy Spirit, then you need a Biblical Counselor to help you do the work. Find one and commit to the process even when it feels hard.
Join a community focused on biblical godly conversations that will encourage you and remind you of your identity in Christ.
Be ready to make some life changes that would impact all your 'ships' and 'hoods'.
On this Mother's Day weekend, there are many women celebrating the goodness of God; some with heavy hearts, some with doubts about their children's journeys, some with unanswered questions, some with desperate prayers, some with hopes and dreams... what is the best gift you truly desire on this day? Mine was given without me knowing that was what I truly wanted: a word of affirmation from my child that says "I see your struggles and your faith walk mom and I am thankful you chose to endure suffering for Christ so that as you heal, I can receive the benefits of your healing." Such a gift, indeed, money cannot buy.
Dear mom, dear sister, dear friend, it is not too late to break those generational curses and redefine your legacy. It is not too late to turn the 'ship' around and sail it with God. It is not too late to start showing up and being consistent in your faith works. It is not too late to persevere and endure in suffering. Suffering with Jesus is better than suffering without Him. It is my prayer that your the eyes of your heart will open to see the beauty of truly doing IT [the ships and hoods] God's way.
May our good Lord, reveal to you the true gift you desire and may He guide your heart to receive it when He presents it to you in your healing journey. May God guide you as you walk the through the narrow gates and may He bestow on you a crown of beauty, the oil of gladness, and a garment of praise. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Happy Mother's day!
Go on and give those hugs!
With Love and For God's Glory,
Kate
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