Get Out of the Slow Drift of Nonchalant

At the beginning of the last quarter of 2025, I asked a group of women in the marketplace a question. The question was “As you reflect on the year so far, what progress have you made on your New Year goals?” While the overall response seemed slightly positive, it was the sentiments that caused me to lean into the not so obvious. Some of the responses [which I will paraphrase] included:

“What goals? I can barely remember what I ate this morning.”

“I lost track of my goals because life has been life-ing”

“I need to sit down and review what I wrote”

Some of the women noted not having goals, not motivated to even look at their goals. Some of them simply presented a lack of interest in even answering or discussing the topic. You can imagine how I felt: a bit concerned, demotivated, and somewhat shocked. Yes, I was more shocked than demotivated because this is a group that can be very focused and goal oriented. 

“What happened?” I quietly pondered over the interaction later that day and sensed what you may be experiencing. I also experienced this same thing at the beginning of the year but I knew I had to crawl my way out of the abyss or I would remain stuck for a while. This place that I am referring to is the place of ‘slow drift into nonchalant’. 

The dictionary definition for Nonchalant is behaving in a calm manner, often in a way that suggests you are not interested or do not care. The behavior can be expressed in our verbal or non-verbal communication, our attitude, and even our presence - how we show up. Nonchalant can be camouflaged in a myriad of ways:

• Pretense: a person tries very hard to hide their true feelings and in doing so, their true heart posture is expressed in other ways that would suggest they do not care.

• Procrastination: a person may drag their feet in completing a task, participating in a task, or even contributing in groups, meetings, etc. They do not have the interest and motivation to engage. The procrastination is expressed as excuses and rationalizing their every action or behavior.

• Personality: a person may often define themself as “that’s just how I am” when they aren’t interested or care about something. In other words, that person hides behind their natural tendencies i.e., personality with no desire to change. 

The keyword in knowing whether you are in a slow drift into nonchalant is care. Do you care about your situation enough to change it? Do you care about your friend’s situation enough to go beyond in offering help? Do you care about life enough that you want to make the most of each day? Do you care about the Lord enough to sit up straight, assess your life patterns and make some shifts? 

I note this state as a ‘slow drift into nonchalant’ because most people at the core want to do and be whoever they believe they can be. However, due to life circumstances [past traumas, relationship experiences, behavioral patterns and thought patterns], they may be stuck mentally, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. The question I asked may seem very simple but it evoked many feelings and emotions which to some included looking in the mirror and being honest with self. 

This slow drift starts off as casual thoughts about overwhelm of life, then thoughts about not wanting to be a bother to others, then pushing important tasks aside and focusing on the urgent, then eventually everything becomes urgent and you experience more overwhelm and pressure, so, you either try to rebalance to keep your ecosystem centered or you ignore the important work and continue to focus on only urgent tasks. 

Now, you may be wondering what’s the difference between ‘important’ and ‘urgent’. Important are obligations that are purpose oriented in nature and connect to your calling. Important obligations require more focus, time, and attention. Urgent are obligations that require immediate attention and are usually time sensitive. Urgent obligations are short term but can consume a lot of your time without you being aware of it. When a slow drift into nonchalant happens, a person focuses mostly on the ‘urgent’ and is not motivated or interested about the ‘important’. 

There are moments in life when we can be nonchalant. And those moments are OK. We need those moments as reminders that indeed we have interests, and that something may be impacting our ability to show interest or care. Good news is that when you find yourself in a slow drift in one direction, you can paddle your way in the opposite direction. 

So how do you ensure you do not slip into a toxic state of nonchalant or if you already are, how do you get out of it? I will share my personal experiences of how I paddled my way out of nonchalant after my season of grief. The loss happened in March and it took me a while to fully crawl out of the dark hole I was in - mentally, emotionally, and physically. The scripture I encourage you to meditate on is this: 

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.” Ephesians 5:15-17

1. Recognize and acknowledge the state you are in. Without this recognition and acknowledgment, you will find yourself in the same cycles and patterns. Sometimes this awareness may come to you from self-reflection, other times, from a loved one, or even a podcast, song, or from a book. When you become aware that you are drifting or have drifted, it is a good sign for change because you are now ready to make the most of every opportunity.

2. Remember your God-given why. A good question to ask yourself in the presence of the Lord is this, “why did you create me to____________?” Lord, why did you create me to sing, write, speak, serve, give? What you are doing is not only are you making the most of each opportunity, you are also seeking understanding of God’s will in your life.

3. Read the Bible until the Bible reads you. You know you’ve allowed your flesh to take over and you are no longer operating in the Holy Spirit as Romans 8 instructs us to. You know you are sad and depressed and need to seek Biblical Counseling to work through the ‘stuff’. You know convictions you sense are straight from the Lord to your heart and it is not to shame you but to cause you to repent and change. The Bible gives you everything you need to be interested in people and show care.

4. Review your rhythms, rituals and routines and adjust them as needed but do not abandon them. In my season of grief, for as much as I did not want to wake up and start my day, I got up. Sometimes, I sat on the bed for a while, then I would force myself to take the next step and the next. I did not feel like it, but I chose the action over waiting to feel the action before doing the action. 

   1. Rhythms are your internal pacing of yourself: what are your ways of pacing yourself? What are some of the ways in which you feed your spirit and get back in alignment with Christ?

   2. Routines are the external actions you take over and over again each day. They are practical, efficient, and focused on getting to an end goal. Think of your morning or evening routine. How can you make such routines more efficient so you have time to pace with God [this is your rhythm] and pray, worship, reflect, journal [these are your rituals]?

   3. Rituals are your non-negotiable actions that drive you to be present in your routines. Think of rituals as the things you do to build you up mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What do you do in your morning or evening routine that centers your spirit and soul?

5. Rest in Jesus. Ah this can be difficult for those whose nature of refueling or getting energized is socializing. Resting in Jesus is your sure way to hear God’s heart. Sometimes, you must force yourself to rest. Rest is to be still. Rest is sabbath. Rest is going at God’s pace. Rest is obedience. Rest is waiting on God. Rest is remaining joyful in the season you are in. Rest is being thankful. Rest is your humility and gentleness toward others and self. Rest is your time to be poured into by God so you pour into others.
   

Nonchalant is a feeling, it is a simple state of being that if navigated well, will not become part of your personality. The feeling will pass. Life happens, situations will continue to pop-up here and there. It is very important that we learn to accept the ‘change’ in every season while keeping the core rituals, rhythms, and routines in place. You may need to shift your rituals, rhythms, and routines slightly but don’t abandon them. 

God created us for each other - to show divine love, care, and interest: “Therefore if you have any encouragement in Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being united in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:1-4

So, I want to ask you the same question I asked the group of women, “As you reflect on the year so far, what progress have you made on your New Year goals?

If you sense any feeling outside of joy, peace, excitement to finish the year strong and well, maybe it is time to assess the direction of your drift. Make these remaining three months of 2025 be one full of hope, peace and joy in the Lord.

Until next time, be good, be godly! I love you, Kate