As I sit down to write this post, on one hand I am so ready to type away and on the other hand I just want to close this laptop and snuggle with my honey. But I’m just going to let these fingers roll over these keys…so here goes ‘Stay Out of My Uterus’
According to Web MD, Adenomyosis is a condition in which the inner lining of the uterus (the endometrium) breaks through the muscle wall of the uterus (the myometrium). Adenomyosis can cause menstrual cramps, lower abdominal pressure, and bloating before menstrual periods and can result in heavy periods. The condition can be located throughout the entire uterus or localized in one spot. Though adenomyosis is considered a benign (not life-threatening) condition, the frequent pain and heavy bleeding associated with it can have a negative impact on a woman’s quality of life. My Doctor asked me if I was married, planning on having kids…I answered in the affirmative to both questions. Her next statement was that if we (my husband and I) were planning on having kids, we should start immediately and not wait because this condition as I age will make conceiving difficult. This all happened between January and February, 2011. I did not seek any second opinion because I trusted her, she was and is well known in Atlanta now and although we had planned on having a wedding later that year, I thought ‘what the heck…wedding can wait’. I walked out of her practice that day, went home and had a good cry then skyped with my husband that evening. I told him the gist of what was going on but thankfully they were returning from deployment in a few weeks so I knew I’d have his shoulder to lean on…soon.
How God healed me from postpartum depression is amazing; He used what I was fearful of the most during that season, to make me whole. About two years into my daughter being born, I still refused to serve in the classrooms of our children’s ministry at church (Victory World Church). I only wanted to be at the reception…I still got bad thoughts and feelings when I heard a baby or child cry. I needed this to change because folks were starting to ask ‘when are you having the next baby?’ Often times I’d just smile. I knew my struggle and I surrendered that struggle to Him. I laid it at His feet and said ‘Lord, you have given me a great gift. This gift I am finding it difficult to bond with, to love. I am asking you to heal me emotionally, spiritually and physically so I can take care of this gift you’ve given us. I need you to show me where and how to start’. And He did…started by asking me to sign up to serve in the children’s ministry…I did. Then I got asked to become a lead coach in the pre-school classrooms (which meant being with kids). I told my pastor I would pray about it. I did and the Lord said…DO IT! I did. I got up and started working on me…I went from a size 12 pre-pregnancy to a size 26 post pregnancy…I knew it would
Many a times when a mother gives birth, the attention shifts to the newborn (naturally) and very little to the mother. If any attention is given, its more of what the new mother is/should be doing well, doing right, looking good (physically), needing any help (help undefined)…sometimes criticism particularly from family members who think they know better (sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t). What the support system fails to recognize is that mom physically may look fine but mentally she’s a huge ball of complicated emotions…which at any moment can explode. Every mother experiences postpartum differently; however to some degree we all try to get our bodies, our emotions, our thoughts, our being aligned. Some women do it so effortlessly, others need a little bit more of something…that something can only be determined by her,a doctor, a trusted friend, her faith…to help her through that postpartum stage. Up until I went through it, I was one of those women who judged moms who found themselves in the news for harming their newborns. Our bodies go through a lot during pregnancy with all the extra hormones and post delivery, it goes through what I call ‘detoxification’ where the extra hormones kinda miraculously disappears. What’s left – if unaligned – becomes a danger zone for the mom.
Every mom’s struggle with postpartum depression is different; so will the way in which she seeks help and gets healed from it. Family members and friends must really listen to the mom and her feelings and while providing physical support, do provide non-judgmental listening ears, and an environment where the new mom can slowly wean off the ‘hormone high’ and get back to herself. By changing my diet and enjoying active routines, slowly I guess chemically my mental and physical state became aligned… got balanced… However, I shall freely proclaim that had it NOT been for my FAITH and leaning on my heavenly Father, I don’t know where I’d be today. I specifically cried to Him to fix me spiritually and mentally to be able to love my kid…love kids! He did just that…slowly as I praised and worshiped Him with the kids, seeing their innocence, their zeal for life often brought me to my knees in the privacy of my home. Eventually, I felt my love for kids…beyond my own grow stronger, and hearing babies cry, or kids cry didn’t bother me anymore. The very first time I heard a baby cry and actually reached out to console the baby, I knew my God had healed me and I was free from the struggle.